with 2 comments

Egos can be a tricky thing to get a handle on. Sometimes the e (always, always lower case) can get out of control, inflated nearly to the point of violent bursting — and you might not even know. Prescriptive care: go somewhere (not necessarily a physical location) that you feel stupid. Your e needs an occasional beating.

I had two of those moments yesterday. One: I attempted to put air in my bike tire, the front one. Hey, nothing my SAT-acing, yeshiva-trained mind can’t handle, right? Nope: I came in with a slightly deflated tire, and, not two minutes later, had a severely deflated tire. I needed roughly 5 staff-interjections, 3 tutorials on how to use the pump/adapter/hand-pump, one total intervention, and just felt overall like a class-A tool. The staffs’ looks — think: impolite reactions to incontinent adults — were not helping one bit.

Two: Got a haircut, which was nice and pleasant and expensive, BUT: I have a monster crush on the stylist, and just felt stupid, sitting there, having a silly crush on the person whose hands were expertly shaping my hair into a very tame and gentle mohawk. What should I say? Go for witty, understated? Will she even hear over the brash techno that’s inexplicably been chosen to aurally decorate this chandeliered, heavily mirrored salon? Ef it, I’m going for the slight eyebrow raise and cock, sending a look of confident interest, measured yet resolute. (Don’t know if it worked. But this is the path that ends in stupidity.) Get this — she takes her appointments by blackberry, so, and I’m sure this is critical to her stunning success with male clients, hands out her personal information to all. I’m constantly resisting the urge to email her e-nothings, like “Wow, this haircut is great! Thanks! Do you take payment in backrubs?”

Written by menachemkaiser

27 August at 09:56

Posted in rants

2 Responses

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  1. i would be careful not to make any sudden moves (even eyebrow raising) while someone’s cutting your hair… for fear of starting a new half-bald trend, or losing a snippet of your ear. but that’s just me.


    27 August at 12:25

  2. Ah, but I am a trained eyebrow mover. It’s like poetry, these brows. Everything else is still while these bad boys positively dance across my forehead.


    27 August at 15:26

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