do winks work?

with one comment

545px-WinkIt’s a perennial problem for men everywhere: How to flirt in the most effective and efficient manner (without, of course, getting arrested or maced in the process). Some of us are blessed with natural charm and/or looks, and don’t need to rely on any gimmickry. (Some will even share their mate-hunting secrets with you.) Some are less fortunate, and just have to make do, perhaps with wit or money or astounding Jeopardy! acumen. (And, for the desperate AFC, there’s plenty of sleazy, though perhaps effective, material to aid in your love-quest.) The bulk of us, though, just do what we think/hope works, and are sometimes successful, sometimes not.

The September issue of Playboy (which I bought — honest! — for the previously unpublished Kurt Vonnegut piece within) had some interesting — nay, potentially revolutionary — advice. The Playboy Advisor, whose gender is one of the last great remaining mysteries of softcore porn magazines, wrote the following, in response to some woman who said that she got “turned on to the point of becoming short of breath and suffering vertigo whenever a man winks at me.”

A wink can be powerful — it allows a man to indicate in an instant he wants you naked and has the confidence to get it done. It’s also intimate. Even in a crowd, only you and he knows of his interest.

WHAT?! Can this be…? Have I been neglecting a non-creepy method to instantly and confidently indicate that I want a woman naked? I was totally under the impression that a wink is beyond gross and creepy, perhaps even bordering on semi-illegal and mace-worthy. But… really? So far, none of the girls that I’ve posed the ‘question of the wink’ to have admitted to its charms. It’s mostly something along the lines of ‘ew.’ They might, it can be argued, be opposed to the idea of the wink, but be in fact flattered by one in action. (I know I’d be, even from a dude.) I mean, the wink is, at essence, a very direct non-convoluted indication of interest (I.O.I., to those who know of such things). So if the guy’s cute enough or whatever enough to pull it off, then maybe a wink can work.

This demands an investigation, and I will sacrifice my little remaining dignity to get it done. Yep: I’m going to start winking. A lot. And while I’m doing it, I’ll be working on wink-strategy (duration of wink? subtlety of wink? with/out eyebrow action? smile with wink?), interviewing, and gauging reactions. (And maybe getting maced.) It will take some time, no doubt, to get over my gut feeling that I’m being a Creepy Q. McCreepster, but I’ll get there yet. And I’ll fill you in along the way.

Written by menachemkaiser

4 September at 18:55

Posted in rants

One Response

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  1. […] a comment » Recently, after a tip from the Playboy Advisor, I set out to investigate the efficiency of the wink viz. a flirtation device. (Flirtation device! That’s catchy! Are […]

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