the mystery of the eggs substitute

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Over the weekend, I had the opportunity to dine at a certain well-known, nationally franchised eatery. To keep it somewhat anonymous — it is not the following: National Apartment Building of Waffles.

Now, all over the menu, like a virus attacking the dishes, was a curious entry, Egg Substitute. This came with many of the pancakes, or could be ordered alone. On the back page, where calories are more a concern, it reigned supreme. Bacon, with egg substitute. Pancakes, with egg substitute. Or just plain egg substitute.

Now, I’m a curious fellow and an egg lover, so I wondered what this substitute can be. Yes, there was a certain type of poetic caginess, a teasing, in an item’s description consisting of only what it resembles but is not. Like ‘pleather.’

But I do not eat pleather. I like to know what it is that enters my closely guarded digestive system. So I asked the waitress, who responded like I asked what a ‘pancake’ was, or a ‘fork.’ “No one’s ever asked that, actually. I have no idea.”

This was disconcerting. (Note: This was in south Virginia, where people, by all appearances, rarely consider the properties (or the quantity) of the ‘food’ they’re consuming.) “Is it a soy product?”

She said she’ll go find out, and went to ask a more senior colleague. She returned with the less-than-illuminating answer. “It has no¬†cholesterol.”

Again, a property in lieu of any usable description. Now, the cholesterol-less-ness of the ES might in fact be the most significant quality of the ES. But I didn’t ask for a sales pitch; I just wanted an informal description. So I pressed.

To the manager she went. And soon she returned, brimming with the wisdom gleaned from the all-knowing, powerful chain manager. “Yeah, he also says, ‘It has no cholesterol.’ It comes from a bottle, like a gloop.”

This is worrisome, right?

Written by menachemkaiser

17 May at 13:18

Posted in rants

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